The Entrepreneur and the Bus

Posted on October 19, 2025 by anentrepreneurswords

“Tom’s personal preferences on his footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide,” Belichick said, “I can tell you that in my entire coaching career, I have never talked to any player (or) staff member, about football air pressure.” This is a quote from a press conference held by New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick during which he spoke about Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and the infamous “Deflategate” case. What just happened here?

This was a classic case of someone being “thrown under the bus.” In this instance it was very public and left some massive tire marks. In an entrepreneurial environment this is pure poison. Throwing someone under the bus destroys team spirit and leads to major internal trust issues.

As children, we tend to point fingers at others rather than accept responsibility for ourselves. The blame game was in full swing and a normal aspect of childhood. We should have seen its destructive nature then and refrained from carrying it into adulthood. How often have you heard something like this? “Our revenues are down because the salespeople didn’t move enough of our product.” Or “The contract was late being delivered to the client because my administrative assistant was sick.” And how about, “I’m sorry we delivered poor customer service – I’m going to fire John Doe whom you spoke to on the phone.”

Wow! These are some heavy-duty statements and perfect examples of what it looks like to be thrown under the bus. They are also perfect examples of scapegoating, finger-pointing, excuse-making and general lack of accountability. At all costs, the speaker wants to distance himself from what went wrong. It is obvious that this is not enlightened leadership. How simple it would be to change a few words and ultimately the whole message. Consider these alternatives. “We’re pulling the whole team together to identify a new strategy to increase revenues.” No one is being blamed here, and a positive step has been identified. “I’m very sorry the contract was late. Please let us know if there is anything that needs to be changed.” The client does not really care why the contract was late. Thus, a heartfelt apology is all that needs to be said. “I’m sorry our customer service wasn’t satisfactory. What else can we do to make this right?” Again, a straightforward apology and no one is blamed.

Teams become strong when each member knows everyone has his or her back. What if clearly someone screwed up and made the whole team look bad? Shouldn’t that person be held accountable? This is a fair question, and the answer is yes to accountability. But as leaders, we should never publicly do so – to a customer or in front of the whole team. Individual issues should be dealt with individually. We accomplish nothing when we embarrass a member of a team in front of others. Not only does that team member resent such treatment, but the other members become afraid of making mistakes for fear of being called out in similar fashion. Rather than move forward with positive energy, the team then becomes tentative and apprehensive.

A respected leader will always take one for the team. He or she understands that an individual failure is a team failure. The failure could have happened because the team members did not have the training or the resources to succeed. It could have happened because systems and processes within the organization were broken. Perhaps there was a lack of communication or understanding. And it is possible that the organization failed because it placed a bet on a team member that really was not qualified for the job. Rarely is failure isolated to a specific individual. Recognizing this, the strong leader will resist the temptation to single out an individual and instead accept responsibility on behalf of the entire enterprise.

Being thrown under the bus is humiliating and painful. People want to work within companies that create a climate of trust and avoid blaming individuals for problems when they arise.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

The Mistake-Admitting Entrepreneur

Posted on August 3, 2025 by anentrepreneurswords

Crows are remarkably intelligent and can live 20 years. They typically have a wingspan of more than three feet and weigh nearly three pounds. A crow can fly up to 60 miles per hour and have been found as high as 14,000 feet in mountain ranges. Being smart, fast, and able to fly to great heights makes them particularly hard to catch. A few years ago, I had to catch one so I could eat it . . . metaphorically speaking of course.

To be a successful entrepreneur we must have an acquired taste for crow. We have all heard the saying “to eat crow” which connotes humiliation and having to admit the making of a mistake. Sometimes our ego gets in the way, and we do everything we can to avoid admitting that we made a mistake. We may point the finger at others. Or we may try and cover up the mistake hoping that its results will somehow vanish into thin air. I can tell you that all these tendencies are mistakes.

One of our companies is involved in acquiring apartment properties across the country. We sold two such assets within a much shorter holding period than we had initially projected because of an opportunity to generate substantial profits. Members of our team prepared a detailed spreadsheet that showed how the sale proceeds would be distributed. These were large and complicated transactions with several tranches of equity provided by different investors. I was pleased to call two such investors to deliver the good news that they would be receiving a significant multiple of their original investment. Needless to say, they were thrilled.

Within days, I received a call from my partner who oversees our apartment acquisition business unit. Apparently, there was a bust in the calculations and these two investors would be receiving less than what I had told them. They were still receiving a substantial gain on the sale, but not quite as much as the expectation I had set. The mistake was honest and unfortunate, but it still had to be acknowledged. Thus, I went about the task of eating crow.

I called both investors and said the following, “I’m sorry to tell you that the distribution figure I provided the other day was erroneous. We made a mistake in calculating the sale proceeds and your new amount is $X. Happily your profit is still much greater than we projected when you made your investment three-and-a-half years ago. I wanted to get back to you as soon as I learned of the error and I hope that you will still be interested in looking at future investments with us.”

Because we are a team, I did not point a finger at the person who was responsible for the calculation. Instead, I said that “we” made a mistake. I did not make up an excuse for what had happened. Simple but painful. The result was an expression of understanding on the part of both investors. I am sure they were disappointed but there were no angry words and in both cases an indication of interest in looking at the next deal.

Relationships are built on trust and can be strengthened in situations where things do not go as planned. But this happens only when honesty and transparency are the top priority.

The “Nice” Entrepreneur

Posted on December 29, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

In 1972 an American soft rock band called Gallery recorded the song, “Nice to Be with You.” I have always liked that song and believe it could reflect the personality of successful entrepreneurs. Think about all the people in your life and who you like most to be around. Is that person always complaining and negative? Or is he/she upbeat and positive? A Harris Poll reported in 2013 that only one in three Americans were very happy. Obviously, there is a lot of progress to be made. We entrepreneurs can lead the way.

Entrepreneurs often get a bad rap. They are portrayed in the media and the movies as cold, heartless, ruthless and conniving. Certain politicians may characterize entrepreneurs as money-hungry and corrupt. We need to change this narrative and can do so every time we interact with someone else. How? I submit that when we are nice to be around, we can easily dispel the myths and stereotypes about entrepreneurs.

Now if you are rolling your eyes right now think about a single word . . . trust. Who do you trust more – a genuinely happy and friendly person, or someone who is sour and inconsiderate? I have not done a scientific survey on this question but informally asked a few of my friends and colleagues. It was nearly unanimous in favor of trusting someone who is nice. Our success is built on others trusting us, our team, our products and our services. Why wouldn’t we want to stack the deck in our favor?

Let’s take stock and see what we can do to ensure that others see us as nice to be around. I used a word in the last paragraph that is of critical importance, and that word is genuine. If we contrive our niceness, it will be apparent and will cause others to think we are slick and manipulative. We must be real about who we are and develop the traits and tendencies of a happy person.

Here are some ideas that can endear us to others:

We think of others first. When we can make someone else feel valued and appreciated, their happiness quotient increases exponentially. In a restaurant where the service is great, I like to look the server in the eye, call them by name, smile and tell them what a great job they are doing. And the enormous grin (and sometimes tears) I get in return absolutely makes my day. Taking a servant’s attitude – where I am here to help and serve you – helps me avoid the feelings of entitlement that afflict some successful entrepreneurs.
Be an optimist and positive. No matter what happens I see no point in wallowing around in despair and negativity. It’s like being in quicksand – no one wants to get in it with us! We want to attract people with whom we can build trust and relationships. That is much easier to do when we are giving off good vibes rather than being a Gloomy Gus.
Avoid the limelight. Have you ever known someone who does nothing but talk about herself/himself? I have been to more than a few cocktail parties where I’ve been cornered by these individuals. And I am reminded how much I do not want to be like them. In fact, I prefer to ask questions about other people and what they do more than I care about talking about myself. It is not that I have anything to hide. I guess it’s just that I was taught as a child that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

When we are genuinely nice people the odds increase for building a trusting relationship. We can make this happen by thinking of others first; being optimistic and positive, and avoiding the limelight.

The “Loyal-to-a-Fault” Entrepreneur

Posted on November 17, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

Think about how much loyalty is a part of your life. How loyal are you to others? And how loyal are they to you? Do you have loyal customers; loyal partners; loyal employees, loyal friends and loyal family members? Loyalty is a strong and positive quality. It’s a key element in building and maintaining relationships. So, everything must be peaches and cream, right? Ah, but there’s a bit of a dark side to loyalty.

You probably have heard the term, “loyal to a fault.” This is when we may be too loyal to someone else, and that loyalty clouds our judgment and may even be damaging to our business. Whether or not we’re being too loyal can be a tough call. It requires us to be very objective about a particular person and their performance. This can be exceptionally difficult for anyone and nearly impossible for someone who places a very high value on the loyalty trait.

Here’s a scenario that may be familiar. Perhaps it’s even happened in your own organization. A high-level executive has been with a firm for 30 years and reports to the founder and CEO. This executive is part of the CEO’s inner circle, and his advice and counsel are often sought by the CEO. Unfortunately, this executive is also a flaming jerk. He’s very nice and thoughtful to other senior level executives, but when it comes to those who don’t have as prominent a position in the organization, he can be unreasonably demanding and thoughtless. Because of his tenure with the CEO, his behavior is tolerated. The employees of the firm have learned to steer clear of him and know that he is “protected” by the CEO. Complaints were lodged about him in years past but it’s well known by everyone working for this company that he will always get away with whatever he wants.

If asked about this high-level executive, the CEO would undoubtedly say, “I know that he can sometimes be a bit abrasive, but overall, he’s done a great job for this company.” The CEO might also say something like this, “He and I were fraternity brothers, and he’s always had my back.” Sound like something you might have heard before? In this situation, many of the employees of this company have lost respect for the CEO because he won’t fix the problem. If this was a family business, it could very well be that the CEO and high-level executive are related – brothers perhaps. The bottom line is that the organization cannot function effectively because the CEO has misplaced loyalty to a problem individual.

As entrepreneurs we must learn how to maintain our objectivity, especially when it comes to employees and team members who are key to us. We must be able to separate our feelings of loyalty from what is best for our organization. Loyalty can easily become a blind spot for us unless we have a method to deal with it. In a larger organization this can be done through a human resources department. The HR director must be given permission by the CEO to lay the facts on the table about every employee. In a smaller firm, it may be helpful to hire a consultant who can facilitate the performance of a 360-degree review of senior executives or even all members of the firm. In both cases, the HR director or the consultant should provide an honest perspective to the CEO that one of his or her reports needs to be coached, disciplined or even dismissed.

Loyalty is generally a good thing. But when there’s loyalty to a fault, we need to be willing to listen to someone tell us when we have a problem. And then we must deal with it accordingly.

The DIY Entrepreneur

Posted on July 14, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

Are you a DIY entrepreneur? True confessions – I used to be but have worked hard to become “reformed” in this category. I’m not necessarily saying that the DIY notion is entirely flawed. In fact, there are very healthy aspects to being DIY. Based upon my own experience and what I’ve observed over the years, here’s the profile of a DIY entrepreneur.

In the earlier days of my career, I worked hard to become educated about my industry and all its intricacies. I learned how to replace a toilet, effectively lease apartments, deliver spot-on zero-based budgets, and identify great talent. I could get deep in the weeds better than anyone. And this eventually carried through to whatever position I was filling at the time. This level of detail was productive in that I knew what needed to be done in nearly every instance. It also became a trap when I found that other members of my team were sitting back and taking the attitude, “we don’t have to worry about that. Lee will eventually take care of it.”

The DIY entrepreneur often fails to delegate. Sometimes it’s delegating key functions and at other times it’s simply anything at all. I can well remember the times that I’d prepare a complicated financial model or call a client because I believed the task could be handled more quickly (and much better) if I just did it myself. While this may have been true at that moment in time, there were other things that I also needed to do that were being pushed to the backburner. I finally realized that this aspect of the DIY entrepreneur was counterproductive. I was not prioritizing my time correctly nor was I contributing to the growth of other team members who were being deprived of the opportunity to learn how to handle the tasks I was hoarding.

I also learned that being a DIY entrepreneur was a massive roadblock to scaling our business. No matter how efficient I thought I was, there was no way that I – as one person – could grow a complex enterprise by myself. Further, one of our initiatives is to create a sustainable organization that lasts well beyond the current leadership and perpetuates for generations to come. Hundreds of families – thousands of people – depend upon our family of companies for their livelihood. Growing and scaling the business is critical to our sustainability. Eventually I had to let go of so many of the things that I had handled in the past and trust others to do so instead. I found this to be somewhat liberating . . . but also a bit scary.

Why was it scary? Because I had not previously invested myself in the coaching and mentoring process. This is a common characteristic of the DIY entrepreneur. I know the high-powered leader of another business who has been extremely successful. He’s my age and has done amazing things in his career. On the downside, he’s not a coach or a mentor. He yells and curses at members of his team. His DIY style is that of command and control. I have often wondered what will happen to his company when the day comes that he keels over from a stroke or heart attack. As I have become more and more of a “reformed” DIY entrepreneur, I have found that coaching and mentoring offers amazing rewards – especially as I watch others carve-out success.

Many DIY entrepreneurs are loathed to share the spotlight. The businessperson previously referenced is always the focus of news articles and industry awards. There’s no question that he’s very accomplished in his field. But rarely do I ever see him compliment those who work for and with him – especially publicly. It thrills me to see members of our team win public recognition. My role now includes being one of the biggest cheerleaders for others in our organization and I love it!

Finally, the DIY entrepreneur may find it difficult to admit mistakes. Why? Because the burden rests entirely upon him or her. When one is in this position, we think we know that our way is absolutely the right way. We aren’t about to seek advice from others and when things don’t work out as planned, we tend to place the blame elsewhere. Perhaps asking others for their thoughts and ideas is a signal of weakness in the mind of the DIY entrepreneur. As a result, we plunge ahead fearlessly and tirelessly . . . right off the proverbial cliff. Entrepreneurs who are truly self-confident and comfortable in their own skin don’t have a problem admitting they screwed up. They welcome and embrace the counsel of members of their team.

If you are a DIY entrepreneur there is hope for you. The “reform” process involves learning to prioritize, delegate, coach, mentor, trust others, share the spotlight and be willing to admit mistakes.

The Transparent Entrepreneur

Posted on June 23, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

There’s a priceless element to an entrepreneur’s success when it comes to his or her customers, employees, and investors. This element can be broken. It can be elusive. And it can be very difficult to regain when lost. Of course, I’m talking about “trust.” But this isn’t so much a blog about trust as it is one of the foundational components to building trust. Let’s explore the concept of transparency.

Transparency is a word that is used a lot these days – sometimes it becomes a bit trite as well as overused. Don’t you just love print advertising and television commercials that implore us to “trust” the company peddling the product? My guard goes up when I hear this sort of naked appeal – I probably am much more cynical about companies that resort to this messaging. If we start with the premise that “trust” is the given baseline, why then, is there a need to say, “Trust me?”

If I do a poor job of delivering what I promise to my customers, I’d much rather admit in an open and honest manner that I screwed up. Too many times we see companies stonewall, deny, and otherwise obfuscate when the train goes off the track. This results in mistrust rather than accomplishing whatever we had hoped for by not being transparent. The old saying that the cover-up is worse than the crime certainly applies here!

Transparency begins with the basic core value of integrity. Either we have it or we don’t. We use this core value to guide us in the actions we take to fulfill transparency. I know that there are those who will say, “I’d like to be more transparent but in today’s litigious society I can’t say what I really want to say – I’ll be sued if I do!” However, there are ways to be open and honest without creating legal jeopardy.

We must also remember that most people don’t like surprises – at least not the negative kind. This is especially true when we’re working with our team members and investors. Several years ago we acquired some land and launched a residential subdivision which turned out to be a bad idea. Shortly after we completed the purchase, installed the streets, and sold our first three lots, the financial world came to an end (2008 – 2009). Our lot sales came to a screeching halt and remained very anemic for several years thereafter. We had raised substantial investor equity for this project and the lack of sales was a difficult thing to report. Nevertheless, we dutifully wrote and sent investor reports every year laying out the facts. There was no sugarcoating, nor did we try to sound overly hopeful. Eventually there was good news to report, and we were naturally pleased to do so. I’ve been told by several of our investors that they never lost confidence or trust in us because we were totally transparent throughout the process. It also helped that we explained in detail what we were doing to try and solve the problem.

Transparency means getting in front of the message rather than being behind the curve. Here’s an example. We learned that a major employer was about to close its doors in a market where we had an apartment property. Immediately, we contacted the investor and let him know that this was happening and apprised him of how we thought this closure might impact the property. We also laid out our plan of action for minimizing the negative impact to the investment. He was also an investor in another property in the same market that was handled by one of our competitors. He told us he had never heard from the competitor and appreciated the fact that we delivered bad news as soon as we knew it. Our transparent approach built trust and enabled us to do more business with this investor.

Transparency is one of the cornerstones of trust. By operating with integrity, we are never afraid to deliver good news or bad, and share all that is relevant with our customers, team, and investors.

The Dirty Diaper Entrepreneur

Posted on March 24, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

Let me set the scene. We get a call from a customer and boy is he mad. He rants and raves about how he’s been wronged by one of our team members. “She was so incredibly rude to me!” he exclaims. “And she even laughed at me when I explained my issue.” Honestly, what is our first thought? It may be that we can’t believe our team member would act in this manner. We may also prepare ourselves to have a serious conversation with this team member and really lay down the law. Perhaps we are even ready to put a note in the personnel file about the incident. What happens next? We’re plenty steamed, so we track down our team member and lay out the situation in a somewhat accusatory fashion offering plenty of righteous indignation in the process. Except . . . it turns out that the customer was all wrong. What happened here? I call it the “The Case of the Dirty Diaper Tossed Over the Cliff.”

In this situation, we heard a complaint (the Dirty Diaper) and immediately jumped to a conclusion (the Cliff). We failed to gather solid evidence in a calm and reasonable fashion and instead rushed into an unpleasant encounter with our team member half-cocked. In this specific scenario, had we conducted a proper investigation we would have discovered that there was a witness – another customer – who observed the whole thing. And after talking to this customer, we learned that the accuser had an axe to grind with our team member and called her names and said ugly things to her. Not the other way around. Unfortunately, we failed to give her the benefit of the doubt when we launched into our accusation, which of course caused unnecessary tension.

In the “heat of battle” aka/confrontational situations – it’s easy to sympathize with the party that is upset. Perhaps our team has had the type of issues in the past that are being presented in the current situation. We instinctively may tend to jump to erroneous conclusions and even worse, act upon them. The fallout from this approach can be devastating. Our team member felt that we weren’t supporting her and the feelings of trust she had for us were broken. Other team members learned of the incident and their trust with them was damaged as well. Ultimately the team member involved quit – all because this matter was so incredibly mishandled.

Maybe this has never happened to you. I truly hope that is the case. I’ve seen it occur in my own organization and I’ve even been the “accuser” in a bit of a milder way, but nonetheless I didn’t do my homework first. I’ve resolved to listen carefully to information that is being provided by the complainant and ask questions sufficient to fully understand this person’s point of view. I also try to glean as many facts as possible. Often there’s a lot of emotion involved, and the “diaper” gets dirty very fast. It’s critical to be adequately sympathetic without taking sides and try to focus on the facts. Then, rather than taking the “dirty diaper” and “throwing it off the cliff,” I try to factually determine the other side of the situation without accusation or condemnation.

There will be times when the facts presented by the two parties are vastly different. Let’s assume for a moment that there are no witnesses and there’s just no way to corroborate either version of the encounter. We must be very careful passing judgment in such situations and determining that one party is right, and the other is wrong. Instead, we offer our counsel with the intent to coach our team member, and we do what we can to placate the party who is aggrieved. In a sense, we need to operate as would a judge or jury. If the evidence is insufficient, it’s hard to render a clear decision. Should a pattern develop with our team member where we learn of similar issues occurring on an ongoing basis, we may need to take stronger action based upon such a pattern.

Strong teams are built on trust. We must protect this trust by handling contentious issues in a calm and measured fashion; gathering evidence and resisting the inclination to jump to conclusions.

Third Choice Was the Right Choice!

Posted on January 7, 2024 by anentrepreneurswords

Every successful entrepreneur needs inspiration. This can take many forms and there can certainly be multiple elements of inspiration throughout our careers and our lives. I’d like to tell you a story about one such inspiration that has been a constant throughout the past five-plus decades.

Barb and I grew up in the college town of Manhattan, Kansas. We sang in the church choir and casually got to know each other as a result. On June 6, 1971, we were putting our robes away after church and I saw this newly minted 16-year-old very shy girl walk up to one of my friends and ask him if he would be her date for a dance that was being sponsored by an organization to which she belonged. He summarily said, “No.” She then approached another of my friends and asked him the same question. He told her he was going to be out of town (or some such excuse). Finally, she made her way to me with the same inquiry. I was third choice!! I promptly told her that I needed to check with my mother. A day or so later I called and said I would accompany her to the dance.

On June 19, 1971, the big day of the dance arrived. It was a statewide event and was held on the Kansas State University campus. Now get this – there were 500 girls, 500 mothers, and three guys – I was in the group of three. At 17, I was a VERY experienced dater, and I must tell you that this was the worst date I’d ever been on. But there was something magnetic about this girl, and a couple weeks later we went to a movie and got a bite to eat – and it turned out to be a great date. And the relationship bloomed thereafter.

Roll the tapes forward to January 5, 1974. It was a bitterly cold night – minus five degrees was the actual temperature and there was snow on the ground. On that night, an 18-year-old girl and a 19-year-old boy tied the knot . . . and that was back in the day when you had to wait nine months to prove to everyone you didn’t have to get married. We smartly waited seven years to bring our daughters into the world. The ensuing decades have been a whirlwind. Much laughter, a few sorrows, tremendous successes, and many wonderful memories have been made. Through it all, Barb has been the center of my universe to which I will be eternally grateful.

We don’t talk about business very much though I tell her anything she wants to know. She was a nurse in the neonatal intensive care unit at Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City for 29 years before she retired. She has a wide range of interests and activities – but above all, she “levels me out” which helps keep my Type A personality in check. We celebrated our 50^th wedding anniversary a couple of days ago and I surprised her with a trip she never thought we would take, and a surprise party with our friends. Her tears of joy flowed throughout the evening, and I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I had made her so very happy.

As an entrepreneur, it’s fascinating to see how the twists and turns in my life have resulted in the kind of inspiration I have experienced since that first date in 1971. Barb’s calm, unflappable demeanor has been critical to the positive energy that I’ve channeled into my career. We trust each other unequivocally which has developed into a partnership of equals with shared responsibility and 100% respect for each other. I can practice my professional craft knowing that I have a rock at home who is my biggest cheerleader and advocate. Our love for each other grows by the day – and having such a deep foundational relationship has allowed me to express my creativity in a multitude of ways. If I fail at something, she does not judge me. If I succeed at something, she celebrates with me. This sort of unconditional love is an accelerant for my entrepreneurial instincts.

I pinch myself every day knowing how fortunate and blessed I am to have been third choice! What an inspiration this beautiful, amazing, not-so-shy (now), wonderful woman has been to me! I love you forever, dear!

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

The Toxic Entrepreneur

Posted on October 1, 2023 by anentrepreneurswords

Tyler is mad at Gilbert. Mad may not be an adequate description. Tyler is so livid that he doesn’t trust himself to talk to Gilbert about “the incident” for fear that he might end up in handcuffs after the encounter. I think you get the picture. Here’s the rest of the story. Tyler is an entrepreneur who has built a small but rapidly growing company that buys fledgling software projects and fully develops them into commercial products. Gilbert is a software engineer who has a terrific idea that he began to develop and talked extensively with Tyler about taking it to the next step. The two hit it off very well and a very close relationship grew over time. Negotiations had progressed to the point that documents were prepared, and a signing date was set. Then it happened. Tyler received a phone call late one afternoon from an industry analyst informing him that Gilbert had just signed an agreement with Tyler’s closest competitor, to develop the software. Tyler called Gilbert and got his voicemail. He texted and e-mailed – radio silence. Naturally Tyler feels totally betrayed, blindsided and embarrassed. Betrayed because Gilbert had committed the deal to him; blindsided because Gilbert hadn’t had the decency to call him first, and embarrassed because he heard about it from someone else.

You probably know the rest of the story. Tyler finally reaches Gilbert and confronts him about the situation. Gilbert says, “Tyler, it’s only business. I made a decision that I felt was best for me.” This only adds fuel to the fire raging inside Tyler and a long-term grudge ensues with ongoing thoughts of revenge and payback. And, at the end of the day this is the classic Entrepreneur’s Poison.

It’s understandable that Tyler is upset about Gilbert’s actions. But Tyler faces a fork-in-the-road choice at this point. He can hold a grudge for a long period of time and plot ways to get back at Gilbert, drinking the Entrepreneur’s Poison in the process. Or he can learn from the experience and move on. I emphasize the fact that this is a choice that Tyler will make. He’s in control – not Gilbert. As entrepreneurs we will likely face similar circumstances at some point in our careers – maybe we already have. Do we drink the Entrepreneur’s Poison or not?

On December 13, 1977, during an NBA game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Houston Rockets, Lakers forward Kermit Washington threw a punch that shattered the face of Houston player, Rudy Tomjanovich. The blow was so devastating that spinal fluid was leaking out of the wound as Tomjanovich was rushed to the hospital. His injuries were life threatening and it took several surgeries to repair the damage. Jonathan Feigen’s 2018 book “100 Things Rockets Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die,” details how Tomjanovich felt the need to forgive Washington who had apologized to him in 1987. Feigen states, “Washington could not have known that Tomjanovich had come to believe that holding resentment is ‘a poison’ people ingest needlessly. ‘If I keep those other things, self-destructive things, a part of who I am, I’m missing a good life,’ Tomjanovich said.”

Here’s the thing. When we feel that we’ve been wronged by someone else, harboring feelings of resentment and plotting revenge takes a lot of energy – and worse, it’s negative energy. This same energy could be used in positive ways that benefit ourselves and others. Someone I know was recently betrayed by a long-time friend. She wonders how she’ll ever be able to trust this individual again. My response was to ask if deciding in absolute terms that trust is broken forever is the best perspective. She asked what I would say to this friend, and I responded, “The trust has been broken and it will take a while to earn it back.” Then we move on and live our lives without holding a grudge or resentment. It becomes the choice of the transgressor to rebuild the trust or not. Dwelling on the situation and replaying it over and over does nothing to undo what happened.

In our entrepreneurial world it’s extremely important that we operate in a positive sphere. No one can harm us unless we allow them to do so. Forgiveness is the key even though it may take time for relationships to be repaired. Taking this approach allows us to avoid drinking the Entrepreneur’s Poison.

The Non-Consensus Building Entrepreneur

Posted on June 25, 2023 by anentrepreneurswords

Here’s a common scenario that is played out every day in conference rooms across the country. Devin is an entrepreneur who has assembled an executive team that consists of the COO, CFO, CTO, VP of Sales and Marketing, and VP of Product Development. The group meets weekly, and the discussions are relatively polite and collegial. Devin works hard to avoid conflict and encourages the group to reach a consensus for decisions that need to be made. He believes that this approach has helped build a strong and positive culture for his organization. Unfortunately, Devin is totally wrong!

There is a time and a place for consensus building, but it’s not right in Devin’s scenario. Instead, what Devin should be seeking is a healthy and robust debate where different arguments are vigorously presented. Then, once everything is on the table and all the questions have been answered, Devin needs to decide. It’s up to him to decide what course of action will be taken. Too often, entrepreneurs are overly concerned about “keeping the peace” among team members. They are allergic to anything that might be perceived as “conflict.”

The problem with encouraging consensus building is that it also encourages a tendency to go along to get along. Author and management consultant Patrick Lencioni calls this “artificial harmony.” A strong organization needs a wide and diverse range of ideas to move forward. The first step is to discard the notion that conflict and disagreement are bad things. I believe that conflict and disagreement can be uplifting and beneficial – IF handled properly. For this to happen, team members must trust each other completely. This means trusting that what is said will remain confidential when required. This means trusting that no one is going to engage in personal attacks. It means trusting that backstabbing and triangulation are out of the question. It’s important to understand that establishing trust won’t happen overnight. It can take weeks or even months for full trust to develop.

Once trust has eventually been established, the leader must set the ground rules for engagement. This likely means that a protocol will be created for exchanging ideas. It likely means that all members of the team will be expected to contribute and participate. It means that debate and disagreement will be encouraged. And it means that everyone agrees to buy-in to the process.

So how does productive debate and disagreement occur? Each member of the team should present his or her arguments based on the facts. The entrepreneur should allow for a free-flowing discussion but be prepared to call foul if the discussion veers off course into the area of personal conflict. Strong-willed team members should be encouraged to make an impassioned case for their positions. All team members should listen without interruption. These discussions may be intense – that’s OK if participants do not feel as though they are being personally attacked or their ideas denigrated. The lack of intensity during this process could be a signal that “artificial harmony” exists.

When the conversation has concluded, the entrepreneur must step up and show real leadership. This means processing the various facts that have been presented and deciding accordingly. Sometimes these decisions are extremely difficult – and that’s a very good thing. It means that the debate was compelling and strong arguments were made all the way around. It’s possible that the discussion will result in the need for additional information. But eventually when all the facts are in and all the points have been made, a final decision must be made. Ceding such a decision to a “committee” for consensus is not a display of leadership. The entrepreneur must explain the rationale behind the final decision and make certain that everyone feels that what they offered was sufficiently considered. Ultimately, everyone on the team must get on board and fully support the final decision. That doesn’t mean they have to fully agree with it – but they must be totally supportive. If a team member is not supportive, considerable damage can be done to the culture and to the process for making future decisions.

Great entrepreneurial leaders know how to foster healthy debate among team members and then make the final decision. A great team does not need to function with consensus but does need to respect and support the final decision.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

An Entrepreneur's Words to Live By

Lifechanging Ideas for Entrepreneurs

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