Tag Archives: conflict

Oatmeal on the Floor

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I’ve been watching with great interest as my 2½ year-old grandson and his 11-month old sister explore their relatively new lives. Building an entrepreneurial business is a lot like raising a child. There’s a tremendous amount of nurturing required. Let’s look at the parallels.

My grandson is prone to tantrums which come with the territory during the terrible twos. Usually this happens because he’s frustrated or doesn’t get his way. In a growing business we can feel extreme frustration when things don’t go our way. We may have a tendency to take out our frustration on others in the form of an adult tantrum – possibly we say or do things that are less than kind. I also notice what happens when baby sister picks up one of his toys. Now, this may be a toy that he hasn’t touched for weeks, but if she latches onto it he suddenly wants and needs it right then and there. He’ll push her and she’ll push him – and trust me, she’s a strong little cuss! In our entrepreneurial endeavors we may regularly experience conflict with others who see things differently. As with children it sometimes seems like all we do is attempt to resolve such conflicts.

Do you want to talk about hyperactivity? I’m an expert on this subject. When you look up the word in the dictionary, my grandson’s picture is there. He and his sister are both afflicted with this tendency. They are all over the place all of the time. He’ll put together a couple pieces of a puzzle, then zip over and ride his tricycle, then run upstairs and bang on his drum set (a hand-me-down from his older cousin who received it from yours truly – kind of a Karma thing). Baby sister is motoring around and climbing on everything during every single waking moment. Think about the entrepreneurial environment. It’s hectic. The pace is frenetic and we’re constantly putting out fires and incubating new ideas – all at the same time. The downside of course, can be a lack of focus and a failure to complete tasks and projects.

Kids make ginormous messes. When I visit at my daughter’s house I’m always struck by all the “stuff” that is strewn about. At our home I watch these kids drag things out of the toy box and leave them in their wake as they move on to the next “thing.” Fortunately we have fewer “stuff” items at our home, but there’s no question that the little munchkins can actually pull everything out and cover the floor in a matter of seconds. And when it comes to eating, that’s a whole other story. There’s no other way to put it – it looks like a daily occurrence of an Animal House food fight. There’s oatmeal on the floor, eggs on the walls and cheese stuck to the ceiling! Our businesses may look the same way. Building an entrepreneurial organization is a messy proposition. Things break. The prototype product we created isn’t the sleek game-changer we had anticipated. Systems and processes are half-completed and sometimes customers are less than pleased.

For all the trials and tribulations of raising children, there are many rewarding moments. Watching my grandson take his first few steps and become more confident every day thereafter was pretty cool. Listening to a 2½ year-old sing the “ABC Song” perfectly is a proud moment. Seeing the smiles and hearing them lovingly call me “Poppa” melts my heart. I guess it’s true what they say about grandkids being the reward we receive for not killing our children. Likewise, our hearts sing when things come together and we actually take three steps forward as entrepreneurs. Oh sure, there will be two-step-backward days as well, but the net effect is positive. How do we make sure that the rewards are always there? Like parents, we remain committed to building our business just like we’re committed to raising our kids. We learn how to be patient. We learn how to be positive. And we learn how to celebrate the victories along the way.

When we grow an entrepreneurial business we know there’s going to be oatmeal on the floor. But if we are committed, patient, positive and celebrate success, eventually our baby will grow up and make us very proud.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

Messy Baby

Grrrr!

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I know someone who always seems to have the worst luck with personal encounters. This person relates harrowing tales of being cut off by other drivers and nearly having an accident on a daily basis. This person is regularly aggrieved by others – slights of all types and magnitude. This person is opinionated and not the least bit shy about sharing views on a wide range of subjects, often causing discomfort for others. In short, this person lives in a constant state of conflict.

Conflict can be a healthy thing if it’s properly managed. But I sure don’t want to live there. Some people dread and avoid conflict as much as others seem to constantly be embroiled in it. As entrepreneurs it’s next to impossible to completely avoid situations where conflict may arise. And trying to do so may damage our relationships if we fail to be genuine and authentic for the sake of what we perceive as “keeping the peace.” So just how should we manage conflict in a healthy manner? I have learned through experience that there are four elements to managing conflict.

First, we must never play the victim. Conflict begins when we give someone else our power by letting our feelings be hurt or believe that we are being taken advantage of in some way. These feelings bubble up and our resentment builds as we buy into this story that we are telling ourselves. It’s critical that we break this cycle before it starts thereby allowing us to avoid wallowing in and exaggerating the fiction that we have created. Of course there may be instances where someone really is trying to hurt us and take advantage of us. But if we don’t give our power away the perpetrator won’t be able to escalate the conflict.

Second, maintaining a positive attitude is critical to successfully managing conflict. After we eliminate any stray feelings of victimization we need to shift into a 100% positive frame of mind as quickly as possible. Our positive energy is vital to creating the end result that we desire. Think about it. Are we more likely to end up in a good place with negative energy or positive energy? The choice is pretty simple.

Third, we stay in “fact mode.” Let’s assume for a moment that the conflict involves an employee who has accused you of showing favoritism to another employee. The accuser is so upset that he has pleaded his case to a number of his co-workers, causing a minor uproar in the organization. You know this guy is flat wrong but you resist the temptation to feel like a victim and take offense that your integrity and leadership is being impugned. You choose to stay positive and move directly into the fact finding mode. You have a calm and non-accusatory conversation with the angry employee to find out specifically why he believes you are showing favoritism. Perhaps the facts lead you to the realization that this person misunderstood a key piece of information that led to his misperception. You are easily able to share the real facts and quickly defuse the situation.

Finally, we must know when to compromise when appropriate. It’s easy when we know we’re right to become entrenched in our position and dig in our heels. And it might be just as easy to say something like, “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding,” even if we truly aren’t at fault. I do not advocate compromising our core values or our principles. But sometimes it’s better to offer the olive branch when neither is at stake. The conflict may quickly de-escalate at that point and our leadership may be admired and respected.

Managing conflict can be a positive opportunity to build relationships. Entrepreneurs should embrace this opportunity by not playing the victim card; staying positive; pursuing the facts and compromising when it makes sense to do so.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

boxing-babies

That Queasy Feeling

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Question: As an entrepreneur, I consider myself to be a pretty easygoing person. But there are times and situations where my interaction with others can become pretty intense. How can I avoid these situations?

Answer: You can’t avoid them but you can change the way you feel about them. What you have described is confrontation. Many entrepreneurs don’t deal well with conflict and confrontation and attempt to avoid them at all costs. Often this makes the problem worse. By avoiding dealing with a particular situation that could result in a perceived confrontation, we may be giving tacit approval to bad behavior on the part of someone else. Or we may not be resolving a particular situation that could become poisonous for our organization. This doesn’t just apply to the business world, but to life in general.

Why do we try so hard to avoid conflict? Are we afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings? Are we concerned about our own image? Does it make us anxious when we’re in the middle of a disagreement? Is there a chance that a relationship could be damaged? It’s true that all of these things could happen . . . if we believe they might. But what if we changed our attitude and didn’t view them as truths?

Suppose instead, that we look at a potential conflict or confrontation as an opportunity to accomplish several things. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to truly understand someone else’s point of view. Maybe it’s a chance to learn of a new idea or a new way to accomplish something. It could also be an opportunity to strengthen a relationship. Conflict will occur only if we believe that it will and allow it to be so. The key to the preceding statement is keeping an open mind.

I’ve encountered plenty of confrontational situations over the years and in many cases I dug in my heels and probably caused the conflict to intensify. More recently I’ve taken a different approach. Over time, I’ve found that it has gotten easier to open my mind and truly listen to someone else rather than being loaded for bear. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t intense conversations however. For example, if someone isn’t performing to expectations, this can’t be ignored. In these situations I’ve taken more of a mentoring or coaching approach rather than just having harsh words with the other person. Instead, I’ll start by asking them if they believe they are meeting the expectations. Often they’ll admit that they aren’t and we can move quickly into the coaching process. If they don’t make such an admission, it’s my duty to show them where they are falling short and make recommendations for improvement. Notice my wording here. At no time do I feel as though I’m in conflict with the other person.

We can avoid confrontation by changing our mindset. If we think a situation will be confrontational, it will be. But if we view the situation as a positive opportunity to have an open mind and reach an agreement with another person; or if we can turn an intense conversation into a coaching opportunity, then we can avoid that queasy feeling altogether.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

queasy feeling