At the Core

Posted on May 18, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

The other day a consultant-friend of mine took me through an exercise that I had performed a number of years ago but had since forgotten. The subject was personal core values and the exercise was a simple method to identify them. I will confess that introspection is not one of my strong suits. I tend to blow and go and not spend a lot of time reflecting upon what I’ve done or why I’ve done it. In the past I’ve considered this a waste of precious time – my philosophy has been that life is too short and every second should be spent moving forward.

What my friend helped me understand is that people in my organization want to know what I stand for. I have always thought my actions speak louder than my words, but sometimes the words help add clarity and context. Whether we really think about it or not, we all have a set of core values. Here’s the exercise in a nutshell.

Write down on a piece of paper the name of ten people you admire most. They can be living or dead and may even be fictional characters. My list included parents, presidents, scientists and a couple of everyday people. Next, make a list of reasons why you admire those people on your list. Perhaps a particular person is extremely loving. Another is very passionate. Still another might be wise and insightful. The people on your list could have two, three or even four characteristics that resonate with you. Write them all on your list.

Ultimately you are looking for repetitive patterns of characteristics among the collection of people whom you admire. Out of ten names, you might find that seven of them share a similar trait that is important to you. Four might have still another characteristic and so on. You are looking for three to five traits or characteristics with which you identify. Obviously the people we admire serve as a mirror for our own core values. My exercise revealed core values of integrity, optimism/positivity, perseverance, creativity/innovation and calmness. The calmness value threw me for a moment because most people who know me probably think I’m anything but calm. But I realized that the calmness I value may be less of demeanor and more of mind and spirit. In order to juggle a million balls at once, my mind must remain calm to create a sense of order that leads to accomplishment.

If you haven’t spent time recently thinking about your own core values, try this simple yet powerful exercise. Not only is it a lot of fun but it will be revealing for you. And once you clearly understand your core values you can strive to live them on a daily basis.

This blog is being written in tandem with my book, “An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle (My Book), as well as being available in all of the other major eBook formats.

Do You Read Me?

Posted on May 11, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I’ve heard the term “reading people” and I think I know what it is but I’m not sure how to do it. Do you have any tips on how to go about doing this?

Answer: Learning how to read people is a critical skill for everyone. It doesn’t matter if it’s the business world, government, academia or any other walk of life, understanding the reactions of others will help us improve our relationships – guaranteed.

The first step toward learning how to read people is to push ourselves out of the picture. All of our focus and powers of observation must be directed at the person with whom we are interacting. If we’re thinking about what we’re going to say next, or our mind is wandering, we may very well miss the subtle signals that the other person is sending. Often our desire to engage in conversation may also cause us to be oblivious to how the other person is really feeling.

I have a theory that successful poker players may be more skilled at reading their opponents than utilizing whatever strategy they may be deploying. Start with the use of our auditory senses. How articulate is the other person? What is his/her cadence like? Are the conversational pauses appropriate in duration? Are there increases in the voice pitch? The manner in which a person speaks reveals whether he or she is nervous, happy, sad, lying and a host of other emotions.

What visual cues do we see? Can the other person maintain eye contact? Is the person slouching or sitting or standing in an erect manner? How genuine is his or her smile? Does this person fidget or shake a foot? Some people play with their ear lobes or hide their mouths behind their hands. What kind of hand gestures do we see?

Reading people requires that we finely tune our powers of observation. Think about how well we really pay attention. What color are the other person’s eyes? Which side does he or she part their hair? How was this person attired? Was this person wearing rings, earrings or other jewelry? If you are like me, you aren’t as keenly aware of the other person so as to notice these details. This is something I’ve been working on lately and I can tell you that it has helped me pay closer attention to all aspects of whomever I am interacting.

Ultimately the objective in reading people is not to manipulate them but to make a connection. When a connection is made a relationship can be built. And I would much rather build a strong and lasting relationship with someone than use my ability to read them for purposes of gaining an advantage of some sort. If someone is in distress, I want to empathize with them. If someone is in a euphoric state, I want to celebrate with them. If someone is anxious, I want to help calm them. Above all, I want to support them and can do this if I understand them.

We can become better leaders, better colleagues, better acquaintance or better friends when we look below the surface and understand how another person is feeling. Reading people for this purpose is truly a noble calling.

Sliced Bread

Posted on May 4, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I’ve been working for the past two years on bringing my dream idea to fruition. And it seems like it’s two steps forward and three steps backwards. When do I know it’s time to throw in the towel?

Answer: This question really resonates with me. Over the course of the past 40 years I can’t tell you how many dream ideas I’ve pushed, prodded, cajoled, coaxed and dragged, trying to get them across the finish line. Fortunately I’ve succeeded more often than I’ve failed, but there definitely have been a number that succumbed along the way.

Something I learned may surprise you. I’ve discovered that becoming emotionally invested in an idea can be dangerous. You may rightly ask, “How can we work to realize our dream without emotion and passion?” And here’s where the distinction comes for me. I am very passionate about the process of creating an idea and taking the steps necessary to implement it successfully. But I try and avoid becoming emotionally attached to the idea itself. By doing so, I can pursue an idea up to the point that it appears to be no longer viable and then discard it, moving on to the next idea.

Here’s what happens when we take a “this is my baby” approach to nurturing an idea. The process of birthing the idea takes on an emotional dimension that can blind us to things that we may not want to see. As a result we may not maintain our objectivity and might even miss some critical signals that would otherwise steer us in a different direction. We tend to have tunnel vision, believing that our idea is the best thing in the world since sliced bread. Yet others may not see what we think we see. So we start trying to sell people on our idea . . . rather than helping them buy it. When we don’t get the response we’re looking for we may begin to put pressure on ourselves to push the idea over the top. Then the frustration builds to the point that we’re ready to scream. By now our creative flow of energy has been blocked by our frustration and there is no way we’re going to succeed.

What works for me is to remove the emotion from the idea and replace it with a process. This process includes milestones and metrics that help me determine if I’m making progress in developing an idea. I’m also more receptive to pivots that may be necessary – that is, changes in direction that I need to take to ensure that the idea succeeds or is enhanced. More than anything, it’s liberating to know when an idea needs to be thrown on the scrap heap. I can now do this with ease, knowing that I did what was reasonable to make it work and recognized when it wasn’t meant to be.

Becoming emotionally invested in our dreams may actually hinder our success. Having passion for the process of realizing a dream will help us relax and maintain our creative flow.

Hello, Hello?

Posted on April 27, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I’m having trouble getting someone to answer my business e-mails. I’ve thought about sending a text message but wonder if it’s appropriate. Should I do this?

Answer: I would do something else first. Pick up the phone and call the person. I’ve written about this subject before but I believe the message is worth repeating. For some reason we aren’t calling each other as much anymore. This trend is especially prevalent with the millennial generation.

So what is happening to some of the basic forms of communications these days? I still receive a letter occasionally – usually in the form of a PDF document sent to me electronically. Ninety-nine percent of the snail mail I receive is junk that gets tossed. We send massive numbers of e-mails. Text messages are as commonplace as waking up in the morning. We Tweet and we re-Tweet. We send private messages via Facebook and can e-mail through LinkedIn. In other words, it’s easier for us to be in touch 24/7 than ever before. But are we truly in “touch?”

My phone hardly rings anymore. In the mid-80s my company had two full-time receptionists who processed thousands of calls each day. They wrote message slips that we used for returning our calls. Voicemail was not yet fully developed. Today some companies don’t even have a live person answer the phone. An automated attendant handles the function in a very sterile and antiseptic manner. We tried that for a while and realized how much we didn’t like it. Now a live person answers our phone.

I’ve become a champion of Alexander Graham Bell’s invention. It’s not that I have a problem with e-mail or text messages, but I miss the human-to-human personal interaction. All of the modern electronic methods of communications are one-dimensional and lack the ability to convey true feelings. Oh, and what we say (or don’t say) in an e-mail or a text can easily be misconstrued.

Not only have I become a champion of the phone, I’m also a big fan of videoconferencing. When you and I talk, or better yet, when we see each other and talk, the dynamic changes considerably. We can hear voice inflection and read facial expressions and body language. I constantly hear people complain about their e-mails being ignored. We’re at the point where ignoring e-mails may even be excusable when the guilty party throws up his/her hands and says, “I’m sorry. I get 200 e-mails a day and can’t possibly keep up!” Maybe we can all relate. There’s something different about the phone however. Perhaps the etiquette standards are higher. Of course there are people who blow off phone calls too, but I find the percentage to be lower than those ignoring e-mails.

We can improve our chances of building lasting relationships and communicating more effectively when we make that simple phone call. Give me a call sometime. I’d love to chat.

Stylin’

Posted on April 20, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I am fascinated by different leadership styles. Which style seems to work the best?

Answer: Of course there is no one particular style that works for all situations. So let’s focus on a few common approaches.

In the “olden days” the leader led by dictate. The process was autocratic. Organizational hierarchy was respected at all costs. The phrase “it’s lonely at the top” was an ingrained belief system. All eyes were on the man (seldom a woman) in the corner office. The leader rarely sought input from the management team. It’s possible that he had a “consigliore” or confidant. He made the decisions and issued orders to his troops. Often he valued fear and intimidation as techniques for maintaining order in the ranks. Imagine how today’s millennials would respond in this environment. There would be a mass exodus of biblical proportion! Thankfully the autocratic era has passed.

Some leaders use a consensus approach. Perhaps they have a senior leadership team or an executive committee where ideas are presented and discussed by everyone sitting at the table. Participants are able to express their thoughts with impunity and feel as though their opinions count. The real test of this style comes in how decisions are made. Does the leader ask for a vote of his/her team on the issue at hand and then carry forward with the results of that vote? There may be certain situations where following the majority-rule is appropriate. But in many cases this is simply management by committee and an abdication of leadership.

The style that I believe shows strong leadership involves the leader soliciting input from the various stakeholders. She/he listens to and weighs the opinions and the evidence . . . and then makes the decision. Sometimes the decision may be contrary to what the senior team or executive committee wants. The leader must be willing to fully explain his/her decision and have a valid reason for not following the advice of the group. Perhaps the leader has more information and a broader perspective. Or there could be a legitimate philosophical difference. But the leader makes the ultimate decision and will be held accountable accordingly.

Leadership is about a clear vision and purpose. It involves effective communications. A strong and effective leader shows sensitivity for others and values their input. A good leader considers the facts and overlays his/her moral compass on the situation at hand. And finally, a true leader makes the decision when it’s appropriate and doesn’t abdicate it to others.

Sound leadership principles empower us to make decisions even when it’s tough to do so. As leaders we should model the opportunity to make tough decisions which in turn will help others learn how to become strong leaders.

Mom Threw Out My Baseball Cards!

Posted on April 13, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I looked at my desk the other day and shuddered. It’s an absolute mess and I have no idea where to start (my garage at home is in the same condition, only worse). Should I light a match?

Answer: Hold off on the match for a while. As I pondered this question I realized how easy it is for our lives to become cluttered with “stuff.” We live in a society of possessions. In the 1800s, pioneers made their way across this country with some clothing, an heirloom or two and not much else. How well would we fare if we didn’t have 90% of the “stuff” that we have? I know it would certainly be tough for me. And I tend to discard things that don’t work anymore or that I don’t need or want. My parents were hoarders. It was amazing the things that they accumulated over the years. Fortunately I do not possess the hoarding genes.

The physical clutter in our lives can be a mirror of the clutter that resides in our minds. How much “stuff” is rattling around in the attic of our brain? What does this clutter mean for our emotions; our creativity; our personality, and our ability to function at a high level? I have an easy self-test that serves as a bit of an early warning system when I’m getting mind clutter. When I find that my concentration level begins to slip, that’s my brain telling me that it’s on overload and the clutter is reaching the critical level. So what have I done to resolve this dilemma? My solution is what I call “selective memory.” It used to be that I tried to remember every last detail of everything with which I was involved. This was the case in my personal life as well as my business life. And one day I just couldn’t do it any longer. So I decided that it’s just not important to remember every single detail. Now, I live in the moment and then move on. If there is something important that I need to remember I slow down long enough to make sure I’ve absorbed it and I tell myself that I must remember it. I’m a slave to my electronic calendar, task list and electronically archived documents. No longer do I try and remember where I’m supposed to be four days from now at 2:00. I just look at my calendar and I know.

You may be reading this and think that I’m the Master of the Obvious – and maybe that’s true. But wait until you’re my age and are trying to recall decades upon decades of “stuff.” I wish I’d learned how to prevent mind clutter much earlier in life and bet that my productivity would have increased immensely. Today I make no apologies when someone asks me about something someone said several weeks ago and they get a blank stare from me.

The process of selective memory protects me from mind overload; allows me to live in the moment, and release that which isn’t important for me to remember forever. As entrepreneurs we can improve our productivity by de-cluttering our physical and our mental lives. Maybe my mom started teaching me this when she threw out my baseball card collection nearly 50 years ago . . .

Unregrettable

Posted on April 6, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

There’s no Question and Answer this week. Because what I want to write about is of a most serious nature. The husband of my oldest friend in the whole world was diagnosed with late-stage brain cancer just a short time ago. Of course he fought hard but today we mourn his passing and celebrate his life. And it brings into focus a much bigger point that must be made. How exactly are we living our lives? What are putting off until tomorrow? In my book, An Entrepreneur’s Words to Live By, the entire first chapter is about living today like we’re going to die tomorrow. In honor of my friend and her husband, please allow me to excerpt a few thoughts on this subject from my book.

A goldfish will only grow as large as the container in which it lives. Humans are no different. Living today like you’re going to die tomorrow is all about capacity. By definition capacity is the ability to receive or contain. Most people will tell you to live life to your full capacity – regardless of its size. Truly amazing success comes not when you fulfill your capacity but expand and surpass it. You have to get a bigger fishbowl. But how?

1. Create a sense of urgency in your work life and in your personal life. Become much more adept at planning and time management. In turn you will become more proficient at prioritizing. Remember that you are doing this not just to live to your capacity for life, but to expand your capacity for life and then live to it.

2. Learn how to live in the moment. The past is good for pleasant memories and as a learning tool. The future may never come. Tend to your priorities. If attending your son’s little league baseball game is a priority, then by all means, be there. If participating in a brainstorm session with your work colleagues is a priority, focus on doing your part in the brainstorm.

3. Don’t worry. Think about and find solutions for what you can control and ignore the rest.

4. Eliminate the propensity for procrastination by making certain that you clearly understand your goals and objectives. Then identify and prioritize the tasks that must be completed to achieve your goal. This makes it hard to put off doing what needs to be done.

5. Become aware of unnecessary actions and wasted motion in your life. Then look for ways to replace them with greater productivity which is another way to expand your capacity for life.

6. Understand that quality downtime is critical to being able to live in a healthy and productive manner. You are no good to yourself or the people who depend upon you if you burn out.

7. Make an inventory of what your family and business associates would need in the event that you die. Then, take the steps to put your affairs in order. This will give you the peace of mind to live each moment to the fullest.

The question I ask myself at the end of every day before I go to sleep is, “Do I have any regrets?” I am so blessed because I can honestly answer this question with “No.” I believe that my friend and her husband would also answer it the same way. Can you?

Male Pink Flamingos

Posted on March 30, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I have some less than flattering physical traits. Should I consider cosmetic surgery to keep my appearance from negatively impacting my success as an entrepreneur?

Answer: This question reminds me of the male pink flamingo. I’m going to stereotype here, so bear with me. For past generations (including mine) the color pink is more often associated with femininity than with masculinity. So metaphorically imagine what it must be like for the male pink flamingo. He lives his entire adult existence cloaked in bright pink. And yet it doesn’t seem to bother him one whit.

OK, I know pink flamingos are birds, and birds aren’t self-conscious. Which makes the point. Why as humans are we so concerned about our physical idiosyncrasies? There’s no question that society still gives a slight edge to beautiful people. But first impressions don’t make the world go round. It’s the substance of our character and the depth of our passion that is vital to building and sustaining relationships. I’ll bet if we made a consensus list of famous entrepreneurs we’ll find few that would make a casting call in Hollywood. I won’t name names, but can attest to the fact that this list includes the tall, the short, the very short, the rotund, the bald, the wrinkled, the liver-spotted . . . you get the picture. And when we see a photo of one of these women or men what are we thinking? I don’t see the thick glasses, but I do see an amazing bright individual who has achieved great things.

For most of us, the trouble started when we reached puberty. We were so intent on being attractive to the opposite sex that we often saw ourselves as just the opposite. And every little childhood slight magnified our feelings of inadequacy. Fortunately with age comes maturity (usually) and for the most part we are able to let go of our desire to look like we did when we were 17. But every once in a while we look in the mirror and self-doubts bubble up.

Self-doubts may simply be replaced with self-awareness. Are we well-groomed? Are our clothes clean and pressed? Do we have a smile on our face and exude a positive attitude? As an entrepreneur, I can tell you that I’ve met with some people who were wearing $2,000 Armani suits or carrying $7,500 Hermes Birkin handbags and everything about their appearance, attitude and mannerisms told me they were trying too hard. Likewise, I’ve met with entrepreneurs who were wearing off-the-rack at Wal-Mart and had childhood acne scars but were truly extroverted and genuine. Who do you suppose I trusted more and wanted to do business with?

Like the male pink flamingo we can make the choice to be comfortable in our own skin. Then the first impression we make will be about the things that really matter.

Learner’s Permit

Posted on March 23, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: I am making a major presentation soon. Any tips on how to ensure that I connect with each audience member?

Answer: We’ve all heard about the three distinct learning styles. Auditory learners need to hear things; visual learners need to see things, and kinesthetic learners need to touch things. A presentation that successfully incorporates all three learning styles will be the most effective in communicating the presenter’s information. There are conflicting schools of thought about this however.

There are those who have a real disdain for “Death by PowerPoint.” I used to be one such dissident. However my thinking has changed as I’ve made countless presentations over the years. The problem with PowerPoint is that too many presenters try to cram too many words onto a slide and then proceed to read the text word-for-word. My PowerPoint utilization is to incorporate photos, graphs, charts or even a single word or number. Then I use the slides as talking points. Which would be a more interest slide in your opinion?

Version 1 – Without any sort of subsidy the monthly rent for an apartment unit would need to be $1,200.

Version 2 – $1,200

Version 2 works better for me. The visual learner sees a number that is the central them for the point I’m trying to make. The auditory learner then hears my explanation of the $1,200. And I might even mock up a rent check in the amount of $1,200 that I pass around the table for the kinesthetic learners who might be present.

Reaching kinesthetic learners is the hardest of the three styles. We have to be careful not to create something to hand out that is too cheesy or gimmicky – the rent check idea is certainly on the borderline in this respect. It’s also a challenge to determine who in the room fits in each learning style category. And even if you asked the question directly, many people wouldn’t even know without further explanation. There’s also little doubt that you would be viewed as a bit eccentric! Statistically the population roughly breaks down to 29% visual, 34% auditory and 37% kinesthetic. Obviously a balanced presentation approach is warranted.

As entrepreneurs we are regularly called upon to present ideas and information. Utilizing auditory, visual and kinesthetic techniques will help stack the deck in favor of effective communications.

The Verdict: Not Guilty!

Posted on March 16, 2014 by anentrepreneurswords

Question: Sometimes I have to make decisions that adversely impact others. Then I feel guilty about this. Should I have this reaction or not?

Answer: Guilt is one of the most unproductive emotions we can have as humans. Why? Because often it’s used in a manipulative fashion by others. As entrepreneurs it’s important that we not buy into the guilt game. Acting upon guilt may produce very undesirable results because rational thinking is often abandoned.

It’s relatively simple to avoid the guilt-trap. All we have to do is operate with integrity at all times. This needs to be an intentional process whereby we create a set of values for ourselves and write them down. It is these values by which we will live and by which we will measure all our actions. As entrepreneurs we have to continually make tough decisions. And sometimes these decisions may not be favorable for everyone involved. But if upon reflection we determine that we have been true to our values then our integrity is intact.

I refuse to allow guilt into my life because I live my values. Yet, I’ve had plenty of situations where others try to make me feel guilty. Sometimes it’s as subtle as someone saying, “Well, I sure would have done it differently,” to as direct as, “I don’t know how you can live with yourself.” I both cases a quick check against my values confirms that whatever the issue, I handled it with integrity.

The mantle of guilt is easy to assume unless we are well-grounded in our integrity. Guilt has actually become institutionalized through certain religions and endlessly stereotyped as in “You haven’t called your mother for weeks.” Along with guilt we often find its kissing cousin . . . shame. By getting us to feel shame over our actions or inactions, the guilters are attempting to coerce us into doing something that they want us to do.

Should we feel guilt and shame if we do not operate with integrity? That likely depends upon how far out-of-bounds we might be. An illegal or immoral act may warrant such emotions. But if our transgressions are minor in nature and we recognize our mistake as a result of back-testing our actions against our values, then what point is served by succumbing to guilt and shame? The more productive response will be to learn where we went off track and not do it again.

Clearly defining our personal values and living to them shapes our integrity. And through integrity we have no use for guilt or shame.

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